Self Introduction Email (Formal)
Subject: Formal Self-introduction Letter
Dear Professor Blackstone
My name is Dylan Goh, and I am writing to introduce myself to you. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in mechanical engineering and I'm currently pursuing a degree also in mechanical engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology as a first year student. My ultimate goal in life is to gain as much knowledge and experience in engineering, so that I can make an impact in the world.
Academics aside, I enjoy an active yet relaxing lifestyle. I actively participate in sports like long distance running, calisthenics and badminton while indulging myself in music like R&B and pop and playing musical instruments like guitar and piano during my recovery time from physical activities . I currently have a strong interest with building computers and have built about 10 computers of all sizes for myself and many others. There were many unique problems that I encountered and had to troubleshoot while under the pressure of my customer's presence and expectations of me. When new problems arise, this is where I take the opportunity to gain more knowledge and experience about computers which will in turn help me with my future builds. I also have a rapidly growing interest in the automotive industry. Although I do not have much experience, I enrolled into an engineering course to gain more knowledge and expertise in this field and eventually turn it into a profession.
One of my major weakness is that I am introverted. I tend to avoid speaking whether I am in a big or small group as I am more comfortable with keeping thoughts to myself. Because of this, I do not have much experience and confidence to converse with someone especially whom I'm uncomfortable being around. However, during National Service, I was forced to step out of my comfort zone as I was appointed leadership roles and it created a foundation for my communication skills.
My goals for this module are to further improve my confidence in speaking and learn how to communicate effectively towards an audience of all sizes. I really look forward to tackling my weaknesses through your guidance.
Best regards,
Dylan
Commented on: Benjamin, Timothy, Hui Hao
Last Updated: 21 Nov 2023
Hi Dylan, I really enjoyed reading your self introduction, it was very well-structured and explained in great details about your background, interests and goals. I especially liked how you linked your interest in building computers to problem solving skills. If I had to point out a flaw in your letter, it would be that your second paragraph is a little too lengthy, however with that being said, I feel that your letter was still very well written. I hope you are able to accomplish the goals that you have set for this module!
ReplyDeleteHello Mr Goh. I feel that your first and third paragraph need to be more concise. Content wise, the self introduction is lacking in the indication of your "strength in communication". If you were to edit, using concise language will allow you add content pertaining to your communication strength without exceeding the approximate word limit.
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ReplyDeleteThis is a very informative letter, Dylan. I appreciate learning about the motivation for you to study engineering but I also enjoy learning about your many hobbies, from sports to music. (What kind of mujsic do yoou listen to or play?) You seem like a true renaissance man!
I also am impressed by how you dig deep into your needs as a communicator and connect those to your goals.
In the spirit of constructive feedback, here are a few issues to revisit in this letter:
1. sentence structure
-- Using my current and future knowledge and experience of engineering, my ultimate goal in life is to make an impact in the world. > (Who is using what? Your sentence needs an appropriate subject.) ?
-- Actively participating in sports like long distance running, calisthenics and badminton while indulging myself in music listening and playing musical instruments like guitar and piano during recovery time. > (fragment)
2. overuse of caps
-- I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in Mechanical Engineering and I'm currently pursuing a degree also in Mechanical Engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology.
> (Are all these caps really needed?)
-- The many unique problems that I encountered and had to troubleshoot under the pressure of the customer's presence and patience. > (fragment)
3. missing info
-- The many unique problems that I encountered and had to troubleshoot under the pressure of the customer's presence and patience. > (Which customers? You need more info on this experience, I feel.) ?
4. word use
-- ...to converse with someone especially with whom I'm not comfortable with. > (so many prepositions 'with') ?
I look forward to hearing more from you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you Prof Blackstone for the comment. I will do my best to implement changes and work towards a better draft.
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